Genuine love is volitional rather than emotional. The person who truely loves does so because of a decision to love. This person has made a commitment to be loving whether or not the loving feeling is present. ...Conversely, it is not only possible but necessary for a loving person to avoid acting on feelings of love.
The Road Less Traveled is a nonfiction book written by M. Scott Peck. Released in 1978, it serves as an examination of Peck's viewpoints on psychiatry and psychology.
Publisher's summary[]
Confronting and solving problems is a painful process which most of us attempt to avoid. Avoiding resolution results in greater pain and an inability to grow both mentally and spiritually. Drawing heavily on his own professional experience, Dr M. Scott Peck, a psychiatrist, suggests ways in which facing our difficulties - and suffering through the changes - can enable us to reach a higher level of self-understanding. He discusses the nature of loving relationships: how to distinguish dependency from love; how to become one's own person and how to be a more sensitive parent. This is a book that can show you how to embrace reality and yet achieve serenity and a richer existence. Hugely influential, it has now sold over six million copies - and has changed many people's lives round the globe. It may change yours.
Summary of ideas[]
Section I: Discipline[]
Problems and Pain[]
According to the author, pain is a part of every life and the problems within it. While some people are able to come to terms with this, most avoid this pain in some way. Unfortunately, this is the root of neuroses (according to the author) and this neurosis usually becomes worse than the pain it is trying to avoid. Despite this, the author says that most (if not all) people through delaying of gratification, acceptance of responsibility, dedication to truth, and balancing.
Delaying Gratification[]
The delaying of gratification is an important part of life which is usually introduced early in childhood. In some cases, though, people do not learn this skill in their youth and that this is a grave failing that can be fixed through psychotherapy.
The Sins of the Father[]
While some parents actively abuse their children with violent "disciplines", other parents emotionally neglect their children. While the latter abuse was somewhat common in Peck's day, Peck believes that both of these similarly lead to unbalanced children.
Problem-Solving and Time[]
According to Peck, a major part in actually solving problems is sitting down and taking out the time to think out the problem and its particulars. Despite this, many people rush into problems and immediately dip out after trying and failing to solve the problem.
Responsibility[]
According to the author, we cannot solve life's problems without actually solving this. This requires a sense of responsibility about these problems, the ability to see that these problems belong to you. Despite this, some people refuse to see that their problems belong to them and instead blame them on other people or even the world around them in general.
Neuroses and Character Disorders[]
According to the author, there are two major forms of mental disorder that affect numerous people throughout the world. These are the neurotics (who blame the problems of the world on themselves) and the character disordered (who blame their own problems on the world around them). While these problems seem to be completely separate, the author claims that people can have traits of both simultaneously. Though both cause their own problems, character disordered people make terrible parents - as they are likely to neglect their children.
Escape from Freedom[]
According to the author, most people want some degree of severance from their freedom to solve their own problems - seeking for others to solve their problems. While this can be individuals, people also seek this "escape from freedom" from governments - which is a major force fueling totalitarian states. Along with this, people can find excuses for their problems from governments instead of actually solving them.
Dedication to Reality[]
Somewhat early in life, most people are able to make a sort of map of the world around them and how it works. While some people are able to shift this map around to suit the changing world, others refuse to change this and declare any new information wrong - with this defense of an "outmoded" view of the world usually being more costly than actually changing the map.
Transference: The Outdated Map[]
Peck's view of transference is that it is when traits which help someone when they are younger continue to be used by that person even when they actively harm their own life - such as someone who refuses to believe that anyone is trustworthy when their parents constantly let them down continuing to believe in this to their detriment. While fixing this map would help them in the long run, in the short term they refuse to change because to do so would hurt them.
Openness to Challenge[]
While it is seemingly not a natural part of the human psyche, the author believes that all humans (and all organizations) should strive to actually listen to criticism and change due to it instead of just closing their ears and giving excuses/reasons not to listen to it. It is this openness to challenge and the change that comes from it that is a vital part of psychotherapy, according to the author, and is the main goal of the therapist.
Withholding Truth[]
According to the author, there are two kinds of lies - black lies and white lies. While black lies are statements we know are false, white lies are statements which purposefully leave out certain facts. Though white lies can in some instances be beneficial and can be vital in some jobs, they are usually (in the author's eyes) harmful. Peck stresses on the reader that they should strive to speak the truth whenever lying is not necessary.
Balancing[]
According to Peck, a very important part of being a well-adjusted adult is emotional balance, carefully controlling these emotions so they do not ruin your relationships with others. While some people figure out the correct balance of emotions, others avoid this because of the pain required in changing this balance - much to their own detriment.
The Healthiness of Depression[]
According to Peck, depression is a completely normal response to change in life and mental/spiritual growth. This depression becomes unhealthy when the process of change and acceptance of loss is interrupted - and this interruption is something the patient can be almost completely unaware of. As such, an important part of psychotherapy is helping the patient resume the process of letting go parts of their character naturally.
Renunciation and Rebirth[]
While death is usually considered something to be avoided in life, Peck says that metaphorical/spiritual death is something that more people should strive towards. This involves completely giving up the self - something that most people do very slowly and in very small increments - and people can go through multiple spiritual deaths and rebirths throughout their lives. Despite this, they can never fully be rid of emotional pain - and indeed, Peck advises those who do not want spiritual pain to avoid spiritual evolution. Along with this, people must lose some part of themselves during spiritual evolution - as this loss is a major part of the discipline that fosters sainthood.
Part II: Love[]
Love Defined[]
According to the author, the major driving force of discipline is love - which something that, as of now, lacks a proper definition. Peck very briefly makes a sketch of what love might before explaining that he will explain what love isn't in the following sections.
Falling in "Love"[]
While a common definition of love is that it is something that can be fallen into, the author claims that this state is not true love. He first explains the process that toddlers go through as they slowly learn that the world is not entirely comprised of them and learn that they are not the omnipotent master of the universe. He then compares falling in love to the period between these two learning experiences - as people in love think of themselves as one entity instead of love, and then says that this will eventually end - and that it will either cause the end of the relationship or the "love" shared by the couple to become true love.
The Myth of Romantic Love[]
According to the author, a common myth of love is that people can be destined for each other and that it is through this that they will find true happiness. This leads people to enter into marriages that they might not be fit for, believing that they have found true love, and will usually fall out of love and be forced to go through a lengthy divorce. Indeed, in a footnote, the author says that most open marriages are unhealthy and promotes Nena and George O'Neill's book Open Marriage.
More About Ego Boundaries[]
While the author is dismissive of falling in love, he does believe that it is somewhat close to real love - as both involve the extension of ego boundaries. In a process called cathexis, the lover starts to deeply care with the object of their affection - which can be a person, an object, or even an action. During cathexis, the ego boundaries and the self extend outwards. This can happen through many different methods, including through climax (though this is a very brief experience of cathexis). It is through cathexis that one can become more aware of the oneness of the universe, but this requires ego boundaries that have been hardened and long term cathexis for this enlightenment to actually work.
Dependency[]
During his time as a psychiatrist, the author encountered many people who said that they would kill themselves if they were not with their beloved. While these people might seem to an outsider that they were desperate due to their love, in actuality they are simply dependent on the person that they have fallen in love with. According to the author, they are suffering from something called passive dependent personality disorder. This disorder makes the sufferer constantly seek love and, even after they find a partner, they are not sated. It can also make them extremely clingy and controlling towards their partner.
Cathexis Without Love[]
Though cathexis is usually thought of as something between two people, it usually forms between a person and an object or action that they enjoy. In these cases, the cathexis is not formed out of love at all (or at least, is not fostered in love) and does not add to the spiritual enrichment of the person - thus people who love money for its own sake are almost always miserable and spiritually small people. Along with this is "pet love" - which is not fostered in the well-being of the animal or person involved and is largely fostered in controlling the other party.
"Self-Sacrifice"[]
Along with those who constantly seek love from their partners, there are those who constantly seek to sacrifice themselves for their partners. While this might seem noble, in actuality it is part of a sort of social masochism in which the person afflicted does not truly care about the well-being of the other person at best or, at worst, will leave and return to obviously abusive people only to have a sense of moral superiority - which is fostered largely due to humiliated and mistreated as children.
Love is Not a Feeling[]
According to the author, love is not simply a feeling but a conscious action. Instead of being a simple impulse (such as cathexis) that comes randomly, it something that has to be thought out and has to be voluntary. This is shown in a constructive marriage, in which the people within it act for each other and for themselves, instead of just thinking for each other or for themselves.
The Work of Attention[]
Having discussed what love isn't, the author discusses what love is. The author begins this by discussing attention. According to him, actually listening to people talking in a proper way requires a great effort. To explain this, the author starts by explaining how parents should listen to their young children - selectively, not completely ignoring them but not constantly listening. Along with this, he discusses how most married couples do not truly listen to each other and how therapy can help with this.
The Risk of Loss[]
While loving someone might put you at risk of losing that person - either due to a breakup or due to their death - the author says that this is a necessary risk, as trying to completely avoid this risk will lead you to becoming a shut-in who is absolutely unable to connect to anyone else.
The Risk of Independence[]
One of the main risks that people face in their lives is the risks that independence entail. While most people (such as the author) face them in their teenage years as they become adults, others face them later in life. Either way, the author says that these risks are important as life is extremely shallow without them.
The Risk of Commitment[]
The next risk that the author discusses is the risk to commit. This risk can be caused by a parental failure to commit and makes people hesitant to even start relationships for fear that these relationships will end. This can even effect therapy - though it usually does not completely ruin the therapeutic process if the therapist is competent. Indeed, according to the author, therapists can feel a fear of commitment towards long-term clients.
The Risk of Confrontation[]
The final risk is the risk of confrontation, or rather properly confronting people. While most people are extremely willing to criticize others, this is usually not an act of love as it is used to show intellectual or moral superiority over the other person. Along with this, those who completely shy away from confronting others when they are doing wrong are not showing love but showing cowardice - as truly loving confrontation is an important part of spiritual growth. As such, those who love each other must confront and criticize each other in ways that actually think of the other person.
Love is Disciplined[]
According to the author, true love is not something of wild emotions but something of carefully controlled emotions. Indeed, the author says that it is through the careful control of emotions - not letting them run rampant but also not shutting them up completely to emerge in a firestorm - that one should strive to live by. Along with this, the author discusses how some people can have enough love for their entire family and people outside of it, something that is very rarely found according to the author.
Love is Separateness[]
According to the author, those who are narcissistic do not truly view others as being people with their own emotions. As such, they frequently misinterpret situations due to their belief that everyone feels the same as them. Along with this, those in truly loving relationships view their partner as someone with their own desires and emotions instead of simply someone who fulfills a function - as many people in marriages viewed their spouses in Peck's day.
Love and Psychotherapy[]
In this chapter, the author discusses how therapists should act. According to him, they should feel some connection to their patients which he describes as loving. While some might see this as the author telling other therapists to "sleep" with their patients, he is completely against this - as he believes that it would worsen the process of therapy instead of improving it. Along with this, the author says that therapists should want to help their friends and family improve psychotherapeutically but also says that not all can spend all of their day in doing this.
The Mystery of Love[]
To cap off his examination of love, the author introduces the remaining mysteries of it. While doing so, he reveals that he believes that their solutions are religious in nature - and that he will discuss this in the following parts of the book.
Section III: Growth and Religion[]
World Views and Religion[]
According to the author, everyone has a religion - which he defines as some guiding view of the world around them, instead of a rigid series of rituals and belief in a rigid higher power. These beliefs are usually influenced by the culture and childhood of the person believing in them and can be largely unknown - such as someone who considers themself an atheist but, due to being raised by abusive Christian parents, they subconsciously believe in a cruel God. These religious beliefs can frequently clash with each other, which is seen quite frequently in relationships between two diametrically opposed countries.
The Religion of Science[]
While most people believe that science and religion are completely separate, the author believes that science is a religion - one that fosters mental and spiritual growth even though most scientists reject the idea of the spiritual. While discussing this, the author questions if psychotherapeutic growth and a belief in God can co-exist.
The Case of Kathy[]
"Kathy" refers to a client that Peck took after she slipped into an extremely manic state. Peck was able to figure out, by carefully interviewing Kathy, that she had been raised by an extremely religious and domineering Catholic mother and that this had led to an extreme fear of anything considered "impure" by the Catholic Church. Peck was able to undo these fears, and also undid Kathy's extremely religious beliefs. To cap this off, Peck discusses his disdain for extremely rigid religious systems and people who use them to enforce their own beliefs onto others, along with how these systems can lead therapists to consider religious thought to be antithetical to their profession.
The Case of Marcia[]
While Kathy's case pointed away from this, the case of "Marcia" shows that it is not always the case. Raised by intellectual and wealthy but emotionally distant parents, Marcia showed a generalized anhedonia. As Peck worked to fix the problems caused by Marcia's parents' emotional distance, Marcia went from an atheist to an agnostic.
The Case of Theodore[]
The final case discussed by Peck (in this section) is that of "Theodore"/"Ted" - an extremely reclusive and secretive man stricken by mental paralysis in what to do with his life. Slowly, over many months, Peck was able to piece together that Theodore was formerly religious but that his brothers' bullying (largely ignored by his parents) and a series of tragedies gave him an extremely pessimistic view on life that viewed anything religious as "sentimental and mawkish". Peck was able to convince Theodore of the folly of this view and bring back his religious thought.
The Baby and the Bath Water[]
Having discussed these case histories, Peck discusses whether belief in God is harmful or not. He believes that it is not simply a yes or no answer, as some religious thought can be detrimental (which he dubs dirty bath water) but there is some good to be found in the idea of God. Along with this, Peck advises therapists to not be completely skeptical of religion but to try to balance their objectivity with spiritualism.
Scientific Tunnel Vision[]
According to the author, another barrier to therapists' acceptance of spirituality is what he dubs scientific tunnel vision - in which scientists refuse to even consider the acceptance of anything they cannot see. With developments in microscopes and the strange reality of quantum physics being revealed, Peck hopes that this tunnel vision will lessen. Despite this, he does not want science to become completely accepting of every wild spiritualist belief. He advises the reader to keep their wits about them regarding the supernatural while still being somewhat accepting of the basic ideas.
Section IV: Grace[]
The Miracle of Health[]
According to the author, a great deal of psychiatry has a somewhat miraculous aspect to it - as patients are frequently less affected by circumstance than they should seemingly be. Along with this, the author believes that there is something miraculous to health (as why people don't contract illnesses and resist things that should be fatal is somewhat mysterious) and that there is something miraculous to avoiding injury or avoiding death in accidents that should be fatal.
The Miracle of the Unconscious[]
In this section, the author discusses the unconsciousness. According to him, it is the not the negative force that Freud believed it is but believes that it is a positive force that somewhat frequently shows what people are detrimentally hiding through "Freudian slips" and what they are consciously unaware of through dreams. Peck believes that problems that Freud believed were caused by the unconscious are caused by the consciousness and the unconsciousness not communicating or meshing properly. Along with this, the author discusses Jung's idea of the collective unconscious - something that Peck believes actively influences people in their day to day lives.
The Miracle of Serendipity[]
Having discussed somewhat quantifiable miracles, the author then dips his toes into the more fantastical - discussing his belief for the (still-unquantified) experiments into dream imagery done by Montague Ullman and Stanley Krippner before discussing his beliefs on serendipitous events. According to him, serendipity is two events which are implausibly tied together - such as someone thinking about pulling over and acting on these thoughts, which prevent them from being killed in a car accident. While serendipitous events can be negative - such as freak accidents - they can also be beneficial. Along with this, some of them have to be acted upon by the person affected by them or they will just slip by unnoticed.
The Definition of Grace[]
Having described a series of miracles, the author next describes the phenomena he believes might have a part in causing them: grace. This is, according to the author, a somewhat incorporeal and unmeasurable force that is tied to the human consciousness. According to the author, all consciousnesses are clothed against the outside but not completely blocked off - as things from outside can enter into the mind.
The Miracle of Evolution[]
The next miracle that the author discusses is the forward march of evolution. According to the author, evolution runs counter to the force of entropy - that drags the universe and everything in it into becoming simpler, less complex forms - as things that evolve become more complex and complicated. While evolution is usually thought of as a biological term, the author also believes that spiritual evolution runs counter to the forces of entropy - or rather, keeping behind older ways of thinking and acting.
The Alpha and the Omega[]
Having discussed evolution, the author next discusses what he believes might have started this process, God. According to the author, God actively guides people towards taking on his responsibilities - something that people frequently avoid in their lives.
Entropy and Original Sin[]
After discussing the fear of becoming God, Peck next discusses what causes that fear - the original sin of laziness. According to the author, laziness is something that actively holds people back from actually taking part in important internal dialogues and is the root of the various fears which hold people back from improving their lives. Even if they are not knowingly lazy, people still might have some laziness within them that they have to work through.
The Problem of Evil[]
Having discussed original sin, the author next discusses the concept of evil - with this discussion being kept somewhat brief as the author plans to pen a longer volume on this concept. According to the author, evil is the active manifestation of entropy/laziness. While most people are unaware of being affected by this, those whose inner balance is bent away from spiritual growth and towards evil will actively seek to destroy any signs of spiritual growth as they fear ever having their inner selves revealed. Though evil can lead to massive acts of destruction, it is not sustainable and will accidentally lead others away from itself - with humans having an almost instinctual sense of evil according to the author.
The Evolution of Consciousness[]
With his discussion of the ills of the consciousness over, the author discusses where he believes where the unconscious' collective knowledge came from. According to him, this knowledge was created by God - which Peck believes could be the unconscious itself. Peck claims that God is the collective unconscious of Jung, with the personal interface (such as dreams) being the interface between the conscious man and the unconscious God. Peck says that the goal of life is not to slip into the unconsciousness and become God, but to gain a mature ego than can "become the ego of God".
The Nature of Power[]
According to the author, there are two separate kinds of power which are not tied to each other in nature - political power and spiritual power. Peck says that political power is the ability to control and coerce others while spiritual power is the power to make decisions with complete clarity. Peck begins by briefly discussing political power - which he believes is neutral in nature - before discussing spiritual power. While most people lack spiritual power (even if they don't believe it), people are able to slowly gain this power. While this is a joyous process, it is also a very humbling and, at times, terrifying process - for someone who is aware of God will find it more and more difficult to make decisions. Along with this, spiritual power can be very isolating - as those who gain it find that they have less and less people to "pass the buck to" - but it does not leave people completely alone, as they have God by their side.
Grace and Mental Illness: The Myth of Orestes[]
Having examined metaphysical concepts, the author next casts his gaze towards mental illness as a concept. According to him, a major root of mental illness is defense mechanisms for our own laziness - which frequently lead to people becoming "out of touch" with the world around them. Indeed, the author states that depression and panic attacks can be a sign that major changes are needed in the life of the sufferer. Using the myth of Orestes as an example, he shows how people can gain mastery over these negative experiences and turn them into positive ones by accepting responsibility - even if this is a very strenuous process for most people.
Resistance to Grace[]
Next, the author examines why people might resist therapy. While the author acknowledges the idea that some people might have stronger neuroses than others, he does not believe this is the root cause of resistance to positive change - as he has encountered numerous patients who were receptive to therapy even though they had extremely strong neuroses. As such, Peck believes that there is something that keeps people from seeking out change - which he believes is entropy and the fear of responsibility that comes from having nobody to blame for your problems. Peck believes that this fear is somewhat common within humanity, but can be worked out of by those that are willing to do it.
The Welcoming of Grace[]
Having examined the resistance to grace, Peck examines the acceptance of grace. According to him, people have to work towards this acceptance but that this process is quite difficult, as grace is something that is brought to these seekers by God - something that these seekers can sense. While it might seem like studying theology might help with this process, Peck is dismissive of this - as he believes that the process is closer to the Buddhist view of serendipity than something that can actively be worked towards. Peck has somewhat similar views on dream analysis - viewing it as something that cannot be brute forced through jotting down every detail of every dream one has but a process of subconscious revelations that people must learn. Along with this, Peck believes that the modern conception of the Earth as one of many planets in the universe is something that the reader must accept but not accepting the meaninglessness that some have viewed in this concept. Instead, Peck believes that humanity should view itself as being specifically placed into the time and space that they occupy by whatever or whoever created this universe.
See also[]
| Title | Author | Release date | Significance |
|---|---|---|---|
| Modern Man in Search of a Soul | Carl Jung | 1933 | A similar introduction to the author's psychological beliefs |
| The Teachings of Don Juan | Carlos Castaneda | 1968 | A book by a similar author cited in this book |
| Escape from Freedom | Erich Fromm | 1941 | A book by a similar author cited in this book |
| Man's Search for Meaning | Viktor Frankl | 1946 | A similar introduction to the author's psychological beliefs |
| Introduction to Psychoanalysis | Sigmund Freud | 1916-17 | A similar introduction to the author's psychological beliefs |
| The Practice and Theory of Individual Psychology | Alfred Adler | 1924 | A similar introduction to the author's psychological beliefs |
Sources[]
- Goodreads
- Wikipedia